Elinor Hills is an editor at Bezzy. She has an MSc in Medical Anthropology and is passionate about the intersection of emotional well-being and physical health. Outside of work, she is an avid runner and enjoys yoga, photography, and drawing.

Elinor Hills

Bezzy BC community members share why six well-meaning messages about breast cancer may cause more harm than good. 

Navigating a new breast cancer diagnosis is difficult. It affects your physical, emotional, and psychological well-being. It can also affect your relationships and social life. 

After a diagnosis, and when you’re going through treatment, you may want to lean on others. However, this can be challenging when it feels like your loved one’s don’t know exactly what to say or do. 

Sometimes, if people are uncomfortable talking about cancer, they may resort to phrases that feel overly optimistic or cliché. 

Most of the time, these messages are well-meaning and come from a place of love. Still, many people don’t realize that sometimes these messages can be interpreted as insensitive or unrealistic.

At times, positive phrases and ideas can help raise your spirits and make you feel hopeful. Other times, positivity can just make you feel worse. 

When positivity feels insincere or harmful, it’s often referred to as toxic positivity. 

Toxic positivity can make people feel as though the negative emotions they’re having — like sadness, anger, or fear — aren’t legitimate or warranted. 

Sometimes messages like “you can beat this” add pressure and make people feel like they aren’t working hard enough to get better.

Members of the Bezzy BC  community understand how frustrating and complex it can be to navigate relationships when you live with breast cancer. 

Six community members shared some of the well-meaning messages they wish people would stop telling them about breast cancer. 

“Does anyone else get frustrated when people tell you to ‘fight’ or say ‘you’ve got this’? I don’t know exactly why, but it makes me angry. It makes me feel like if I don’t survive, it’s because I didn’t fight hard enough. 

Fighting implies choice. I don’t feel like I have any control or choice here.” — Anonymous

“I have had people tell me how strong I am. I think: ‘No I’m not, I’m a big baby at times.’ 

I guess sometimes being strong isn’t a choice. It’s breathing, laying in bed today, making it through another treatment, and praying it’s better tomorrow.” — Lrvmcvelv64

“​I dislike the fight or battling analogy for health issues, especially cancer, and particularly now that I have had cancer.

The analogy assumes you can win or lose and that there are winners and losers. Neither of which is accurate or true.

I also don’t like the fight or battle analogy because it assumes I am fighting my own body. My body is not an enemy to be fought. 

My body has been doing its job to keep in good health and balanced. I’m not at war with my own body.” — Louise E.

I’m just listening to my doctors and doing what they’re telling me I have to do if I want to live. The toxic positivity is so hard to deal with, especially because it’s all well-meaning.” — Lizzie

“When I hear ‘you’ve got this’ or ‘fight like a warrior’ I think only about how impossible each statement is… 

I don’t want this and, as of yet, I’m not sure how to fight unless ‘fighting’ just means choosing the right medical team and maintaining a positive attitude. Acting positive is so hard when I am just not sometimes.” — Ashton

“I’ve made sure no one can talk to me about my cancer. I text with a few people who are responsible for relaying information to those who think they need to know something. 

I couldn’t take all the ‘you’ve got this!’ messages… I’ve got 

Having ‘you’ve got this!’ thrown at me many times makes me so mindful of saying unhelpful platitudes to others. Now I think before I speak, sometimes it’s just a simple ‘I’m thinking of you.'” — Jules10

It’s important to keep in mind that everyone’s experience with breast cancer is unique. Likewise, the type of support that different people want or need varies. 

Some people may feel energized by hopeful messages, while for others, messages like “you’ve got this” may make them feel discouraged or upset.

If a friend or family member has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer, it’s OK if you aren’t sure what to say. Messages along these lines can be a good place to start:

“I’m here if you ever want to talk”

“I’m so sorry you’re going through this”

It’s OK if you feel scared or sad when someone you love tells you about their diagnosis. Remember that no one is expecting you to have a solution or “fix” the situation. 

The best thing that you can do is make sure that your loved one knows that you’re there if they need you. Sometimes the best way to help is by just listening, or being there. 

If you’re living with breast cancer, it can help to meet people who know exactly what you’re going through. 

Whether you’re looking for advice about navigating relationships with breast cancer, or if you’re just in search of a place to vent, the Bezzy BC community is here for you. 

Beautiful Hawaiian woman with cancer walking with her adult daughter at sunset

6 Women Share What They Wish Others Would Stop Saying About Breast Cancer

The Bezzy Editorial Team

We’re bringing new meaning to the word “community.”

As humans, we’re hardwired for connection. Belonging to a community makes us feel safe and helps us thrive. 

But so often, a breast cancer diagnosis can make you feel overwhelmed and alone. Not only are you faced with making 

 important decisions about your treatment and future, but you may also feel like no one really understands what you’re going through.

Bezzy BC is a free online platform bringing new meaning to the word “community.” 

Our aim is to create an experience where:

everyone feels seen, valued, and understood

shared vulnerability is the name of the game

Bezzy BC is a place where you are more than your BC. It is a place where,

Membership is free and members get full access to the community, including:

 From treatments to relationships to daily living, breast cancer changes everything. Whatever you’re feeling on any given day, there’s a forum where you can connect and share directly with others.

 We believe that shared experiences empower the kind of belonging that can help people live their best life with breast cancer. Our stories offer perspectives and tips from people who know what it’s like.

 If you’re a Bezzy BC app user, you can connect 1:1 through private messaging. (P.S. if you’re not, you can 

 Need to vent? Get advice? Share what’s on your mind? Hop into a daily live chat to join the conversation. They’re often led by Monica Haro, our amazing community guide, but you can also expect to chat with other advocates and experts, too.

 You can stay connected to your community on other platforms, too. 

 We take thoughtful steps to build safety, security, and privacy into our platform and foster an environment where members feel safe sharing personal stories and experiences.

Our name is derived from the British English word for a person’s best or closest friend. 

Inspired by the transformative nature of friendship, Bezzy BC is committed to providing a safe space for shared experiences and authentic conversations, where understanding and acceptance thrive.

Illustration by Brittany England

Welcome to Bezzy BC

Receiving a new breast cancer diagnosis can feel scary, but you’re not alone. 

When you’re diagnosed with breast cancer, it can feel like your entire world has been flipped upside down; like the vision you had for your future has been disrupted. It may take a long time to even process the news. 

It can also feel isolating to receive a diagnosis when it seems like no one around you understands what you’re going through. But as you face the many unknowns of a breast cancer diagnosis, it’s important to remember that you’re far from alone. 

 (or 1 in 8) women in the United States will be diagnosed with invasive breast cancer at some point in their life.

Understandably, just hearing that many others have been in your shoes may not make you feel much better. However, it can be incredibly impactful to find a community of people who understand what you’re going through.

Connecting with others who are also navigating life with breast cancer can help you feel less alone. 

Members of the Bezzy BC community understand what it’s like to face a new breast cancer diagnosis because they have been there, too. Seven community members shared what they would tell someone recently diagnosed with breast cancer. 

“When I am at the doctor, I often forget what I want to ask and sometimes cannot make sense of the explanations. I sometimes also audio record the session and write down questions I want answered beforehand. 

It can be helpful to bring a person close to you to appointments so that they can help ask questions, or even take notes for you.

Make sure you ask for details, and don’t rule out anything. Take your time at each appointment. Soon you will become your own best advocate.” — Connie

“I thought by pushing all of the testing and surgeries along, I could put cancer behind me faster and move on with my life. 

I probably should have slowed down and asked how long do I have to make a decision so that I could gather more opinions. I should have asked how my life would be different after treatment was complete.” — BSJ

“Breast cancer can be rough on the self-esteem. My advice would be to try and do things that make you feel good during treatment. It can be doing your makeup, having your nails painted, or just wearing a shirt you like. Something that makes you feel good can help a lot. 

There were many days I felt ugly when I looked into the mirror, and the next day I would wear fancy earrings or something cute and it made me feel happier and other people noticed. 

They didn’t know what was going on underneath or on the inside… they liked the earrings just as much as I did.” — A. Huggins

“The beginning right after diagnosis is the worst. It will start to feel easier when you have more information and a plan. 

It’s not a journey any of us would choose, but it’s amazing to learn how many people have walked in your shoes. So many people contacted me to let me know that they had been through it, too. 

Once you learn more, you will be ready for the fight. Stay strong.” — Gma25

It’s important to find a care team you feel confident in

​”My advice to anyone confronted with a breast cancer diagnosis is to try and find a breast cancer treatment center to do all your care in. 

I had endometrial cancer as well as breast cancer at the same time, and my care has been extremely fractured. I have four different patient portals and there was no way to connect the dots. I had no support system between treatments and no one to answer my questions. It was very challenging. I would ask about a nurse navigator. 

It’s interesting how much you learn from the knowledge and experience of others. [Bezzy BC] often provides direction for me when I feel like I have absolutely no idea what is going on.” — Jules10

Getting a diagnosis is the first step to healing

“I was diagnosed with breast cancer in February of this year. I 

 my yearly mammograms, but the lump was not picked up on a mammogram. I couldn’t feel the lump either. 

My breast started physically changing, but because no one wants to “go looking” for cancer, I ignored it. I thought it was hormonal changes or as my gynecologist said, it “could be from weight gain.”

 be proactive in your own health. When you know something doesn’t even look right, investigate.” — Kim115

“Most of us are blindsided when we are diagnosed. Figuring out what questions to ask can feel like asking questions in calculus but never learning algebra, so to speak. 

However, I believe it’s important to know that a breast cancer diagnosis is like a marathon, not a sprint. Parts are very difficult and parts are pretty easy, it’s different for each and every one of us. No amount of information is going to completely change that. 

I do believe whatever your journey is on this unwanted path, it is all doable, and our life is our greatest reward for traveling here. Listen to the small voice when decisions have to be made, it will be honest and direct your own special path.” — Ellen Hunter

Navigating a new diagnosis of breast cancer can be scary. It can make you feel uprooted, confused, overwhelmed, or even angry. 

It’s important to know that any emotions you’re feeling are entirely valid. It’s also important to remember that you don’t have to face these emotions alone. 

The Bezzy BC community is here to support you at every stage of navigating life with breast cancer. Whether you have questions about treatment, testing, side effects, or how to speak to your boss about your diagnosis, the community is here for you.

Receiving a new breast cancer diagnosis can feel scary, but you are not alone. 


Getty Images

7 Things I Would Tell Someone Recently Diagnosed with Breast Cancer

Kristen Domonell Gutierrez is an editor at Healthline Media who is passionate about using the power of storytelling to help people live their healthiest, most aligned lives. Her work has appeared in publications including Women’s Health, Vice, Prevention, Men’s Health, Self, Daily Burn, University Business, The Huffington Post, CNN, The Daily Beast, and more. She also co-founded and served as editorial director of Chronicality, a publication designed to help young people live well in spite of chronic illness. In her spare time, she enjoys hiking, yoga, camping, gardening, and tending to her indoor plant jungle. You can visit her 

Kristen Domonell Gutierrez

These women prove that friendship and community can provide comfort, support, and connection during difficult times.

When it comes to coping with the life-changing reality of a breast cancer diagnosis — and navigating the confusing world of treatment options — a strong support system is crucial.

 found that among women with invasive breast cancer, those with the most social ties (think: friends, family, partners, community) had significantly lower risk of death and disease recurrence than those who were more socially isolated.

For those looking for some extra support, Bezzy BC can help. The free app gives members the opportunity to join groups and participate in live discussions, get matched with community members for a chance to make new friends, and stay up to date on the latest breast cancer news and research. 

We asked the Bezzy BC community how their friends — both on and off the app — are helping them get by. Here’s what they shared:

“Friends on this app have helped with what to expect through this journey… from diagnosis to surgery to side effects from everything. It’s good to hear these stories because it helps to prepare for whatever comes next. 💪”

“My journey started almost one year ago and I have had support from day one! I have a sister who texted me every single day without fail. All my friends and all my co-workers were by my side with their love and encouragement. 

All the people at the cancer center have been so amazingly caring and compassionate. My church started doing their service on Facebook so I would not be left out.

And I found this app! All the lovely ladies have been nothing but informative and encouraging. I connected with a few and one of them was slightly behind me in treatment. It felt so good to be able to help her by giving her a better idea of what to expect.

Like I said, I have been so blessed. I love them all and could never have gotten this far without all of them.”

“I’ve had many friends who have reached out to me. Sending prayers up and just stopping by, checking on me. Great support system 🙏🏿 👍🏿. This app is a plus as I read through different things/changes we all go through.”

“My friends dropped off two pairs of pajamas and a robe today. Something to feel good in after my surgery next week ❤️ ❤️.”

“Just reading everyone’s posts and stories has helped me tremendously and being accepted for who I am is awesome!”

“At the beginning I was a little overwhelmed digesting all the new information from all the sources, but after I passed that stage, it is priceless all the love, the friendship, the knowledge, the support we all give to each other here. Thank you every one of you 💕 💕🙏🏻 🙏🏻 .” 

When it comes to coping with the life-changing reality of a breast cancer diagnosis, a strong support system is crucial.

black_senior_women_best_friends_happy-1200x628-facebook

Kroenke CH, et al. (2016). Postdiagnosis social networks and breast cancer mortality in the After Breast Cancer Pooling Project. DOI: 

6 Women Share How Friendship Is Helping Them Get Through Breast Cancer

 is a journalist who writes about health, science, parenting, and the environment. Outside of work, she’s usually camping or hiking in a national park with her husband, toddler, and rescue beagle.

Simone Marie

Every feeling is valid. As the Bezzy BC guide, Monica’s goal is to curate a space where you can feel safe talking about what you’re going through.

Seven years ago, when Monica Haro was 42 years old, she noticed a lump on her breast in the mirror as she was getting out of the shower. 

“I was concerned, but not overly concerned because I was young,” she says. “I was still trying to have another baby. I’d had a miscarriage a month before, so I thought maybe it was just something from being pregnant, like a hormone surge or breast change.”

So she went to a doctor — and she received a diagnosis of stage 3 

“Seven years ago, there wasn’t a lot out there in terms of a strong community,” she says. “With a breast cancer diagnosis, there are a lot of waiting games — to do a biopsy, a scan, etc. — and I didn’t have any community.”

It felt comforting, however, that her oncologist was the same age as she was.

She stayed laser-focused on just getting through her initial treatment. Once she finished treatment, she started looking for a support community, particularly one that had younger, premenopausal breast cancer patients like her. 

“It wasn’t too easy to find,” she says. “My first recommendation was to a local cancer center, which was a really awesome cancer community center, but there was nobody there my age.”

Eventually, Monica turned to the internet and began making connections with people on 

, people she still keeps in touch with today. Eventually, she found an in-person support group called the 

She joined the board of directors for this group. During this time, she learned about the BC Healthline (now Bezzy BC) community and eventually became the community’s guide, working to welcome new members, keeping conversations productive and supportive, and leading live discussions. 

She wanted to give back to her community and be around people who truly understood what it was like to live with a breast cancer diagnosis. 

“Whether you’re in giving back mode or healing mode, nobody understands what it’s like to live after a cancer diagnosis better than somebody else who has had cancer,” she says. 

Even though she’s now finished radiation and chemo, she’s still on hormone therapy, which means that the community is there for her questions, too. 

“Once you’ve had a breast cancer diagnosis, you always kind of live with cancer because you’re always concerned about a recurrence or metastatic recurrence,” she says. “So even if I may not be actively sick or struggling with chemo, it still affects my mindset.”

In her role as Bezzy BC guide, you can count on Monica to create a positive and supportive space where everyone feels seen, welcome, and understood.

“I really, really love being able to curate a safe space to talk about everything,” she says. “Every feeling is valid, and it’s OK to share. It’s OK to be despondent and devastated and elated — sometimes all at once — and be able to share stories and empower somebody else with information.”

Every feeling is valid. As the Bezzy BC guide, Monica's goal is to curate a space where you can feel safe talking about what you're going through.

Bezzy-BC_MeetYourGuide-Monica_Facebook-1200x628

Invasive lobular carcinoma (ILC). (2019). 

Meet Your Guide: Monica Haro

It’s common to have many questions after a new diagnosis. The Bezzy BC community gets it.

Finding out that you have breast cancer can feel overwhelming — even earth-shattering. It’s entirely expected that you would have 

 questions about how your life is going to change, what your treatment is going to look like, and what the next steps are. 

Some of your questions may have a more straightforward answer your doctor can provide, like “What’s the stage of the cancer?” or “Do I need to talk to a specialist?” 

Other questions can be harder to get an answer to, like “How’s this diagnosis going to affect me emotionally?” or “How will my body react to treatment?” 

Some questions may not have an answer at all, like “Why is this happening to me?”

Sometimes it can feel as though there’s so much new uncertainty that you don’t even know where to start, or what questions you should be asking. 

The Bezzy BC community knows exactly what it’s like to navigate a new breast cancer diagnosis. Five community members shared the questions they feel are most important to ask your doctor about. 

Are there additional tests I should have?

“My advice is to not be shy speaking up, and remember that your choices matter. Find a doctor who listens and works with you. 

If I had had the opportunity to earlier, I would’ve asked about things like checking for lymph node spread and how, if it does spread to my lymph nodes, it would impact my treatment. I would also have inquired about the need for a care team and why it can be beneficial.” — Smacsham

Is there anything I can do now to prepare my body?

“I would ask about what I can be doing 

 to prepare for next steps. For example, if I’m going to have radiation, is there anything I can do now to help down the road like skin care options (lotion versus no lotion) or diet tips that can help make radiation go more smoothly? 

Like most people, I’m pretty motivated to do what I can to help myself. It would make me feel better and more proactive to use any waiting time before treatment to get set up for the next stages of the journey.” — KellyMPLS

“I would ask about the results of any testing I have had done. For example, when lymph nodes are removed and tested and the results come back negative [or] “all clear,” why do I need radiation? 

Also, if a genetic test was negative, what do we know about what could have caused my breast cancer?” — Godsgirl

“I would ask for a detailed explanation of the oncotype score, the reason why it is done, and what it means for my treatment. I would also ask about the rationale for getting, or not getting, chemotherapy and the rationale for getting a lumpectomy versus a mastectomy. 

Finally, I would also ask about life after active treatment, how to navigate the “new normal,” and how to find support dealing with it. I felt like the long-term implications of treatment were never fully explained to me.” — Anonymous

Are there other options I should know about?

“Even though you are repeatedly told not to use Dr. Google, you are never given the whole picture unless you ask the right questions. 

There are so many different types of treatment out there, but I was only offered what my cancer center and doctor had available. I had to do my own research and ask a lot of questions. 

I also had to find a center out of town to get the hypofractionation radiation that I preferred after doing research. The facility in my city did not offer it. If I hadn’t researched and asked for specific therapies, I wouldn’t have known that they were available.” — Islandgirl13

Having a doctor who you feel comfortable approaching with questions is important. If you feel like your doctor isn’t able to provide enough information to help you feel confident in your decisions, getting a second opinion can be a great idea. 

A doctor can be a great resource for insight about treatment, diagnosis, and symptoms. However, there are many aspects of life with breast cancer that even the best doctors may not be able to address. 

For these questions — the ones about the impact breast cancer may have on your mental health, or about how to talk to your loved ones about your diagnosis, or about how your relationships may be affected — it can be helpful to hear from people who have been in your shoes. 

The Bezzy BC community is here to listen, share stories, and provide support at every step along the way.

It's common to have many questions after a new diagnosis. The Bezzy BC community gets it.

Joos Mind/Getty Images

5 Questions I Wish I Had Asked My Doctor About Breast Cancer

Bezzy BC community members describe their experiences getting the COVID-19 vaccine.

For many people living with chronic health conditions, the decision to get a COVID-19 vaccine can feel overwhelming. 

If you’re immunocompromised, you may be nervous about the side effects of the vaccine. 

However, being immunocompromised also comes with a greater risk of developing more severe COVID-19 complications and requiring hospitalization.

Whether you are currently undergoing treatment or have completed treatment for breast cancer, you likely have questions about how the vaccine may affect you.

Talking with your doctor is a great first step to figure out the best time to receive your vaccination. There are a few specific instances when a doctor may suggest adjusting the timing of your medication. 

If your doctor has recommended that you get the vaccine, but you still feel anxious or confused, that is perfectly understandable, too.

It can be helpful to hear from others who understand the emotions you are feeling firsthand.

We asked Bezzy BC community members about how they felt receiving their COVID-19 vaccines. Here’s what they had to say. 

“I have had both shots of Moderna. I only experienced a sore arm with the first shot. After the second shot, I had no side effects. I am glad I got the vaccine.”  — Anonymous 

‘I wanted peace of mind for my family’

“I have had both shots. Minimum side effects. I wanted to do it for my family. Everyone was so worried they would give the virus to me… so now no worries!” — Cynthia

‘I feel more protected during chemotherapy’ 

“I actually received my first shot of the Pfizer vaccine while I was still doing chemo. I only had two rounds left and my oncologist encouraged me to get it. He said it wouldn’t cause harm because of the chemo. 

“Chemo may make the vaccine not quite as effective, but it will still offer a lot of protection. If you still contract COVID-19 after being vaccinated, it decreases the chances of death. 

“My rationale is: I’m not going to endure all these treatments with awful side effects and changes to my body to survive cancer only to die from a virus!” — Jessica

“I felt very safe. I showed up at my local hospital where they had parking spaces for the vaccine center only. I was given hand sanitizer and a fresh mask if I wanted it. 

“Everything was spaced far apart. Everything was like a well-oiled machine. From parking to getting the actual shot was maybe 15 minutes, tops. Then I waited 30 minutes to monitor for a reaction and left. 

“I came home, had lunch, and took a nap. I was feeling sleepy.” — Monica Haro, BC Healthline Community Guide

‘My 102-year-old grandmother and I both felt fine!’

“My doctors highly recommended getting vaccinated. I’ve already had both shots. I’m still on immunotherapy infusions with Herceptin and Perjeta. Plus, I was in radiation during my first shot. 

“I had the Moderna shots and everything went just fine. I went to get vaccinated with my 102-year-old grandmother. She didn’t skip a beat and felt fine with both shots too!” — Montana35

‘The side effects made me feel confident in my immune system’

“I had both shots of Pfizer. I experienced fever, headache, chills, and fatigue for about 24 hours. But I also heard that a reaction is good because it shows your immune system kicked in.” — Linda Lee

“I took the vaccine as soon as I could get an appointment. I haven’t gone through surgery and chemo and radiation in the hopes of getting rid of my cancer, only to die from COVID-19 if a vaccine can prevent it!” — June R.

Getting a COVID-19 vaccine may feel like a big decision, but it doesn’t need to be scary.

If you’re looking for a community that understands what you’re going through as you navigate vaccines while living with cancer, the Bezzy BC community has your back.

Halfpoint Images/Getty Images

Megan Soliman, MD

7 Women with Breast Cancer Share Their COVID-19 Vaccination Experiences

Members of Bezzy’s chronic condition communities share the realities of their invisible experiences.

Just because an illness is invisible doesn’t mean it isn’t real. This is a fact that people living with invisible chronic conditions understand all too well. 

Living with a chronic condition is often isolating. Dealing with symptoms that are largely invisible can make it even more isolating. 

Members of Bezzy's chronic condition communities share the realities of their invisible experiences.

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