How Breast Cancer Changed My Mental Health and Helped Me Build Community

I learned to love myself more during treatment, but then I found support from others. That was life-changing. 

Growing up as a Taiwanese-American woman, I was raised in a very strict family, where I was taught to be obedient with no voice of my own. There was pressure to be perfect, and if you didn’t meet those expectations, you were a failure.

That’s what led to my suicide attempt at age 23 and a diagnosis of depression. It has taken me decades to work through dark thoughts and create a mental health toolbox that I can use to get me through difficult times in my life.

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I needed every tool I’d put in place already to get through it. I’m in remission now, and when I reflect back on my life, I can say that if I had to do it all again, I would keep my breast cancer diagnosis.

My breast cancer diagnosis made such a difference in my outlook on life. It has been a spiritual renewal for me, an awakening.

Join the free BC community!

Connect with thousands of members and find support through daily live chats, curated resources, and one-to-one messaging.

Sign up

From diagnosis to a new start

My cancer journey began in 2017 when I was 43. I found a lump in my left breast while doing a routine self-exam in the shower. I didn’t think much of it because I had no family history, so I waited almost a year to get it checked as the lump grew bigger. My primary care physician gave me a prescription for a mammogram when I turned 40, but I’d put it off.

When it turned out the lump was stage 2B invasive ductal carcinoma, I had mixed feelings. I wasn’t surprised, because I’d been feeling it grow larger, but at the same time, I was in disbelief.

You hear about how being diagnosed with cancer changes your life, but I didn’t expect it to shift my thinking so much. It made me become more present in the moment. My worries about the past and thoughts about the future kind of fell away and I just focused on day-to-day tasks and experiences.

It wasn’t easy. I have two sons, who were ages 10 and 5 at the time of my diagnosis. My husband and I had difficulties because we didn’t have family who lived nearby to help and support us.

There was a lot to balance. I had to prioritize what was really important to me and which coping mechanisms to use from my mental health toolbox.

Overcoming mental and cultural barriers

As a suicide survivor and someone with depression, I’ve spent a good deal of time learning and processing the dark places inside me.

Most of that is related to cultural factors and how I grew up, with parents who never said, “I love you” or gave me a hug. It’s become an inside joke with my friends who are Asian to say that the more your parent yelled at you or the more they pressured you, the more they loved you.

Over the past 20 years, I’ve had to learn how to love myself and how to develop strategies that support my mental health.

Therapy and medication helped me to navigate through that. Journaling, drawing, and especially running are the main tools in my toolbox, in addition to connecting with others, which I didn’t tap into until later in my cancer journey.

While I was undergoing treatment, I focused on taking care of what I needed to do to survive and what my children needed during the 3-year period from diagnosis to mastectomy and reconstruction. I kept pushing forward, day by day.

I also worked through some of the cultural pressure to be perfect. I learned to let go of that fear, and it gave me a renewed sense of self.

After I had the revision surgery, which was the last hurdle to overcome, I hit a wall. I thought I’d be relieved. I thought I’d be jumping for joy to put it all behind me. But instead, it was an emotional rollercoaster.

At the time, I felt alone and alienated. My friends were supportive and tried to be understanding, but if you haven’t experienced breast cancer firsthand, you can’t really understand the emotional complexity of what’s going on.

That’s when I started searching online for other people who’d experienced this. I wanted to hear their stories and share my own.

Building community and sisterhood

In 2019, I started an Instagram account where I began to reach out to other women with breast cancer and build a community, which I didn’t have where I live. I made so many connections, and through conversations with those women, I found peace.

It was comforting to know that, whatever I was feeling, I wasn’t alone and what I was going through was common. I didn’t have to explain myself — they understood.

That’s when I discovered For the Breast of Us and applied to be an ambassador. Through this organization, I was surprised to find a sisterhood I didn’t even know I needed. I’d learned to love myself more during treatment, but now I had support from others, and that was life-changing.

My husband, too, has been my rock the whole time, so I got to a place where I felt like I finally had community and purpose.

Now, I look for opportunities where I can talk about my journey and meet with women to hear their stories and let them know they’re not alone, especially other Asian American women.

I focus on letting my boys know I love them (and showing them I love them), so I don’t perpetuate the cycle of withholding love and support.

I grew up in a culture where women aren’t allowed to have their own voice. Women aren’t supposed to admit to emotional difficulties because vulnerability is seen as shameful.

To be an advocate for other women — especially those who look like me — gives me purpose and helps me share the message that vulnerability brings you connection. It releases the fear and expectations that are put on you.

To be vulnerable is to find joy, peace, and love — and that is so liberating.