Bracing Yourself: How to Process Breast Cancer After Treatment Ends

A breast cancer diagnosis and treatment can be a whirlwind experience. Here’s how to slow down and process everything you’ve been through.

Many things come along with a cancer diagnosis, and a lot of them aren’t listed out for you by an oncologist before you must decide how to proceed with treatment.

You won’t be told how to manage survivors’ guilt or how to respond to the continuous stream of messages that will no doubt flood every inbox you own. You won’t be prepared for the fake quick fixes your loved ones will tell you about because they heard it from a complete stranger in a grocery checkout line. You won’t be told how to feel when people you have contact with every single day drop off the face of the earth because your cancer diagnosis is too much for them.

But you will be told what type of cancer you have and the treatment options that are available to you. Then, you’ll hold on for dear life while someone else drives you in the direction of the place assigned to save your life.

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From being a source of guidance to needing guidance

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I did everything I could to prepare. I read the books and studied every pamphlet in the waiting rooms. I browsed social media, and at the time, I wasn’t coming up with any profiles that truly told me how to prepare and process what was about to happen to me.

At that moment, I chose to be that guidance for others. I told every detail, down to the gross ones you might be too embarrassed to share.

I lived in the moment, captured my raw and unedited cancer journey, and blasted it out to hundreds of thousands of strangers. I received thousands of messages a month telling me I was helping someone else come to terms with their treatment.

Over a year later, I felt invincible when I was told I no longer had any evidence of disease.

Then, the other shoe dropped, and my entire life was flipped upside down. It was time to process it all.

First steps for moving forward

There isn’t one quick answer on how to truly process going through cancer treatment.

You’ll be left with plenty of messages to open, questions to answer, thank you cards to send, and relationships to repair. You’ll second guess your choice to be treated, adjust to a new version of yourself, and finally become who you are truly meant to be once it’s all finished.

The first and simplest step to moving past breast cancer is to acknowledge that you had it and then to be thankful for each second you were gifted after it.

For anyone who has recently been diagnosed, I recommend that you immediately buy a journal. Whether you write 1 word, 1 sentence, or 55 pages a day during treatment, you’ll thank yourself for it later.

Having the ability to look back at how you were feeling during the peaks and valleys of treatment will be the most beneficial tool in your arsenal for moving forward. It’s also okay to step back from “real life” for a while. Don’t feel bad disconnecting from social media or social functions if they get to be too much.

Asking for help and speaking your truth

Learning patience and how to ask for help is another essential tool. Pride was the first thing to fall in my home while I was sick.

I couldn’t bring myself to rest when I needed to cook dinner for my family or wash the laundry. In the end, my physical body paid the price for that lack of rest.

So, I reached out to a local mental health professional for advice on how to ask those around me for help in those physically weak moments. She led me to a breast cancer survivors’ group that met virtually once a month. In that group, I connected with and got to know a group of strong women that also understood that it was OK to be vulnerable.

They taught me to speak my truth and to do so loudly and with pride. Those same survivors taught me how to navigate the hardest part of it all: survivors’ guilt.

For me, survivors’ guilt has been the hardest part of breast cancer. The chemotherapy, radiation, hair loss, bone pain, and vomiting couldn’t compare with the heartbreak I felt when losing another fighter.

During treatment and after, you’ll encounter many other cancer fighters who you instantly connect with. They will understand you better than even a partner can. The hardest part to come to terms with is that you may lose one of them at some point.

Cancer is different for every individual. The same diagnoses may not have the same outcome and asking yourself “Why me?” or “Why them?” will only deepen the hurt. I personally found it therapeutic to spend a few moments at the end of every day with my eyes closed, mentally running through good moments.

Remember the conversations, the questions, the laughter, the tears, and the texts or calls. Remember them fondly. That human being touched your life and made their mark on it forever and you and I both owe it to them to continue shining light for the next person — just as they did for you.

The takeaway

Processing cancer is going to take you some time. Buy that journal and join that group. The quicker you decide to get busy living, the quicker you will heal physically and mentally.

The messages and calls can be answered later. Remember to rest, write, laugh, sleep, and truly feel it all. Only then will you start the process of becoming the new and improved version of yourself.